reality check!!!...........

Like any other day..i woke up late last Thursday hoping for our classes to get suspended for some reason or the other…but such a thing happens once in a blue moon..my hard luck!!…I got out of the bed grumbling & nagging…I had to take a local train to get to my college due to heavy traffic during the peak hours…while commuting i have a tendency to lose touch with reality & sneak it to my fantasies..…it so happens that once I was walking so unmindfully that I was unable to recognize my parents who were standing a feet away from me taking my name loudly…but that day..something really caught my attention….while waiting for my train to come I saw an underprivileged family sitting at the platform fighting amongst each other over some plain boiled rice that was preserved in a colored polythene…
The family comprised of a young couple & their 2 kids…the girl around 2 & the other toddler was some months old I guess…the unkempt man was wearing a pair of ragged grubby shorts…his hairs were messy as if never been washed…& what I could see & count that he was mentally unstable as well from his body lingo…& was that he was least bothered about his kids…. the lady was clad with a single thin chiffon sari was breast feeding her younger baby…the elder daughter..a pretty thing she was..so very cute & bubbly she was..trust me on this--i felt like adopting her that very moment....(but of course I couldn’t cause I am too young for that) she was so lovely..she was hopping around holding a broken piece of toy…n at times she used to kiss & hug her younger sibling..very sweet she was..i just loved her…the younger baby was another baldy cutie pie...the weather was so humid & hot…for which the baby seemed uncomfy n irriatable…but later it slept peacefully…as I mentioned earlier the man was demented( one could easily say that watching his body lingo for a couple of moments)..That bristly man was picking the boiled rice from the polythene & was holding a blunt razor kinda thing with his other hand…& he was trying to slot in that razor into the soft skin of her daughter whenever she tried to sneak her hands into that polythene…afterwhich she used to throw a loud cry…but her parents stayed unperturbed by her cries…this was the entire scene….u know what made me observe them for so long…is the glint of happiness that showed in the eyes of that girl..i mean precisely she had nothing…she was not fortunate enough to meet the bare minimum requirements….but she hopped..played…shouted…laughed….sometimes a stanger teaches u a lot what a known 1 is unable to express….i seriously got the gesture which answered me loud & clear…to the question that I keep shooting at my dad as to why I cant be given the latest cellphone to flaunt or the costliest lappy which added features as compared to current 1 I am using…
My train came…that girl saw me staring at her…I threw a smile at her…I was reciprocated with the cutest smile I had ever received in my lifetime…she made my day…the day went really well….
I have no idea what to write next…but yeah!!...i remember a saying which I came across long back..which goes like--- You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

unplugged!!!....

My mom often quotes-- life is incomplete without tears…then why is it difficult for me to accept life the way it shows…why do I keep chasing my worldly dreams that provides a pseudo momentary pleasure…why cant I just let it go..n do whatever i really want to without being judged. why cant I let my heart cry without bothering about what impression I am gonna put on others if I do so…why do I keep staring blankly searching for something that I am not familiar with… …I claim myself to be a no nonsense kind of person…then why do I want to liberate myself of these bondages & follow my heart…? I am not depressed….but why am I so lost…..what do I long for every time I shed tears over petty issues without ever realizing what am I really crying for… to be honest these questions have seriously muddled my life…& one thing that keeps bugging my life is that how do we judge people…as an individual..i think I am really good at it..in in fact I am very fast at predicting a person’s instinct as on what his next step gonna be..coz I am quite an observer I guess..but to be honest is it correct to judge a person from his gestures,..,talks or previous deeds or conducts??? Shakespeare once said ‘nothing is good or bad, only thinking makes it so….” Why can’t we follow this…? why do we tend to be harsh on people who have a bruised past..is it their fault ?? cant we just put blame on the situation that went wrong?? But who are we to decide whats wrong n what is right…infact..to put it this way..is there any adjudicator or judge who can filter n split our conduct/deeds into good & bad…personally I don’t believe in any kind of idol worship..i don’t visit any temple..i never join hands or vow my head in front of an idol…for me my God is my conscience..he is someone who I can relate & communicate with…he is no alien to me.,.hez a part of me…but the point is we are human beings no superpower we possess..why have we turned so mechanical…on a personal scale why cant I relish my butterscotch ice-cream without thinking about calories…why cant I kiss my loved ones without bothering about the crowd around me ….why am I preferred speaking sweet pleasant white lies over stark unpleasant true facts…why do I have to respect n socialize people who literally wish 2 stab my back…why am I presumed as being rude & unruly when I am a private person & wish 2 keep my emotions to myself…why am I judged by my appearances..why cant someone fall for me respecting my thoughts rather than craving to get lucky with me…why cant I be taken as something more than a pretty commodity… on retrospect why did I take up consuming alcohol, when I had sworn by my dad not to…he has been the 1 & only person in this planet who understands me to the core…& an epitome of courage & patience….has been an ideal to me very supportive & will always be…why cant I be an ideal daughter 2 such an ideal father….why was I not there with my best friend who loves me like anything without expecting anything from me in return, when he needed me the most…during a trial period of his life…he is always there for me whatsoever…but why cant I be a good friend to a wonderful person who I can say have understood the real meaning of life in a very young age…why did I betray the trust of someone who trusted me to the core…why did I act in such a self-centered way…why do I lose temper & put up really senseless acts when my chemistry teacher who happens to be the only teacher in my career who I really look up to….n a well-wisher of mine that he .is always with me till date to guide & advice me…a wonderful but bit sensitive human….in spite of acknowledging these points…why did I behaved in such a childish manner the other day when he said something he had the right to….why do I hurt my only sis by undermining her & pinpointing her weak points…who kisses me goodnight when I miss my mom…..gets really petrified when I am down with fever or something…& had sobbed a lot when I had to leave home for academic purpose….
what happened to the promises that I made long back to myself ….why have I become so unstable & disconnected from my loved ones
intentionally & unintentionally my acts have hurt lot of people who are acquainted to me…the only dilemma that I face is I really cant express the amount of love & respect I have for them…who do I blame..the situations that intrigued me to mask my emotions…or the mechanical life that has turned me into a plastic doll…i am tired of being a fake…these unanswered questions have taken a toll over my life…life interrogates me…but i have no answer…I would let my tears communicate for me…as they say- tears are words the heart cant express”