mE aGaInSt....!!!

Lost I am in the shadows of my past,

Yearning to screen myself from me

The apparition crawled over me leaving me all aghast

Wishing to evade myself from me

My times of yore haunt me

Longing to depart my soul from me

I screech & scream!!!......

Coveting to speak my heart...but whom do I share my vicious past with...???

without squishing my blood’s panoramas about me....??

Lost I am amidst the confounded crowd....

They scorn at my weary soul

The elves of this world accuse me aloud

They despise me & seldom let me touch my goal

The dreams that adorned my eyes shattered

Leaving my dark deceased soul all withered

I cry & yell......

Longing to share my grieves...But whom do I talk to???...for mates don’t trust after being exposed to my naked soul...

Lost I am in the meadows of abhorrence

Longing for that hallucinatory life

The loving remembrance is a past & so is my reverence waiting for the love to conceal the memories of my dark life

My murky life had a new vision to aggravate my state

The love disowned me after trifling with my soul...

I shriek & rebel.....

Wishing to be loved in spite of my gloomy doom...whom do I ask 4....knowing that the love is not mine to command....

Lost I am in this new transformed world

Tired of being a puppet of shadowy flesh

Like a wingless butterfly forced to place exactly into the new mould

i wish to liberate from the bondage mesh

i am confined to a glass dungeon for my dark past

I see all, without feeling anything, desiring to inhale some air at last....

I fight & demand....

Craving to b free...begging to get back my life...waiting for a miracle to take place..But whom do I ask to????? I have woken up to my solitude...

Have lost all faith..have noone 2 answer the questions....for an atheist never believes in miracles....so there I am all again lost

Lost in the dying world...

Yearning to be lost....

Away from me.....

~~~Ipsita~~

tHe HuMmInG wInD....!!!!!!!!

The humming wind promised me a striking dream
The smile assured me the life I desired
The voice kept me in full beam...
The illusion perfected the world I treasured...



The humming wind promised me a transformed life
The melody made me lost in ecstasy
The words that were uttered were no rife
The life ahead looked quite easy


The humming wind promised me an eternal liaison
The gaze of honesty dissolved my worries
The breath of freshness gave me utter elation
The strong hold of love transformed me into a garden of roses


I was lost in me....the blissful life was a step away.......I was ready to shut my eyes to feel the new life...
But nature had a different game plan...
I hold my breath...I hide behind my soul as reality unfolds...
Oh! Almighty divine being...i have been deceived...lost all faith in myself..my dreams...& everything that keeps me ticking....

I woke up to my own shadow, wishing to be lost in the mirage of my life....
A world that is anonymous to me...
I woke up to a dying life that can never thrive...
An unpleasant reality that was never in favor of me
I woke up to a sordid verve.....
A smile lied to me
The eyes deceived me...
The melody slaughtered my soul...
I woke up to all my woes....


But why do I still long for that illusion..the life,,,the beauty I cherished...
Why do I still believe in that lost love....the warmth of affection that was never mine??
Why do I still trust in....
the humming wind that promised me a striking dream??

nEw-"U"

1/1/2008
Yippee...!!! Its new year again...loads of fun...Frolic...party...& eclectic food to celebrate the year so as to give a blissful start to the year ahead....Happy New Year to all of those reading this piece...
Unlike other days, I marked the day by roaming around aimlessly as well as on a bingeing spree with my family....that was fun except for the fact that I am so stuffed as of now...that I have no option but stick to this lappy....so I thought of penning down something that was ticking the back of my mind since the time I came home for my winter break...I was wondering, whether the world where I was born & brought up at changed all of a sudden within a span of a year...or is it me who’s imagining things....
While conversing with a very dearest friend of mine I was put in a really awkward situation when she said something that really baffled me because I had never expected her to say something like that.... on asking how she spent her vacation..in no time she replied—“ it was seeccksyy” ahem!!ahem!!! She took a long journey to be at her friend’s place, who stays with her dad, who’s mostly busy going for tours & attending meetings
...& they spent the days watching porn flicks which they got it for rentals from a nearby shop & relishing rums & beers & went for guy-watch & paid daily salon visits
...she had her share of fun when her parents were contended thinking that their child is busy preparing for her coming sems at the hostel...
.well to give a brief character sketch about her as she was when I had last seen her i.e. a year back
—I would say every person would have come across such a girl in their lifetime for sure...a person who has never really stepped outside the world of integration-differentiations, molecules- atoms, dynamics..etc etc..who treats her parents like someone who has just descended from heaven...who would never hang out at some zing-zang restaurant with all of us & whose idea of entertainment would be to visit some temple..advice people( specially to those who would never pay heed to any of her words no mater what) narrate each & every titsy bitsy details about how her day went & all....salwar-kameez clad never stepped into salon kinda look...a female chauvinist who was ready to pounce on any guy who makes a pass on us...& an avid believer of satyavadi harish chandra..thinks telling white lies would drag her straight to the doorway of hell
I am in short of words to describe her.. Someone who‘s from the black & white doordarshan zamana....
Well this was “XYZ” (name withheld) a year back...& present day she is---umm I am speechless...

I truly am in for of the article that came in times this Sunday which was titled as “bad is the new good” which listed the kinda changes that the youngsters are undergoing in themselves as well as on the surroundings to achieve what they want to...& become a free bird...they no longer have to be the slaves of society..age old adages which bound them to the customs & beliefs which they wanna run away from, to stay in a world that’s their own...From a school going child to an aged being everyone’s tied to the decrees of the so called world where we live in...Now the gen-x is coming outa the barriers & has defined
a new lifestyle that is written in accordance to their own terms which means liberating & doing what they want to...not what they are expected to..

Citing another example—“ABC”( name again withheld)(hint—my beshtest friend he is) a studious, ill fitting formal shirt guy who was always treated like a non-sexual entity (no offence intended), had no guy pals of his, was the victim of all nasty nuisances that were created by the classmates of his, a typical simpleton who would easily break into tears for some reason or the other....a mamma’s boy who would go out every evening sitting in between both his parents on the scooter driven by his dad (was quite a scene, I must say), was always laughed & mocked at..but truly an honest friend to be with..that was him a year back....knock!! knock!! Present day— I would like to start by eluding a conversation that he was having with a really arrghhh behenji kinda girl...she says “oh my!! Tum to mere peeche hi pad gaye”..then comes his answer in a melodramatic way “ itni sundar ladki ke peeche kaun nahin padega”.....eeekkksssss....yuck!! I have never heard anything more cheesy n crappy than this dialogue...anyhow, today, clad in denim boleros, straight fit trousers sleek glares, sexy wrist watch, he moves in swiftly with his spoilt idiotic guy friends(followers to be frank...so they could incorporate some of his stupid moves in their lifestyle),, he claims himself to have become quite a ladies man, & have started calling me babe (I wish they had emoticons here...i would have inserted the angry one), he has graduated himself to call himself a MAN (spoilt brat) who flirts in & out with every second girl...makes sure to hit the gym regularly, has made beer his best friend & tries to put in every fashion elements in his wardrobe....
As the times paper say, that today’s youngsters have no compunctions to openly emulate!
There’s a freedom in being labeled bad that good gals & guys never get to taste. Shah Rukh Khan’s “yenna rascala” in OSO has a strange liberating quality that appeal. If you are good, people around have expectations of you.in trying to live up to these as well as your own self image as a good person, you operate under immense pressure all the time. But once you are labeled as a “rascala” you are a free bird..no one excepts anything from you & you live your life on your own terms...on a serious note, today we have come a long way, & there is no such thing as good or bad..being true to yourself is the operative phrase.not loyalty to others. what maters is how we perceive your lives, its important for us to be aware of your deep instincts & desires as well as be loved by all/most inspite of their foibles, ones ought to have a courage to stand up & face the mirror...
Well, today I feel sooooo relieved...all those guilt of my past petty misdemeanors vanished all of a sudden...i could feel the soft pleasant breeze...since it’s the beginning of yet another wonderful year...we learnt a new defining relationship between good & bad. A fine balancing act that tips the favor towards good at some point while towards the bad the other, depending upon the circumstances. For this is how the new man is...no angel..no demon...just plain HUMAN........