1) 1) You don’t have to pinch your face to bring out that pink blush when he confesses his love to you in the most corniest way, thinking he has turn the world upside down for you, proposing in the most romantic way that the world has ever seen….(when you are just wondering—“Are these lines picked from Moulin rouge?..Or is it notebook…duh!!)
2) 2) You can just give yourself a break from listening to his perpetual brags of how he tamed a wild anaconda, how he swam through the engleesh channel…. & pretending you are with a HERO!!!!!!!....sigh…keeping the constant “awwww” expression on your face, with occasional ‘oh my God...really???...my! my!...n blah blah!...(bull shit!...the jaw badly hurts, keeping that phony expression intact)
3) 3) You don’t have to smile coyly with gratitude when he picks up the grossest gift available on planet earth which probably your irritating neighboring spinster granny would have worn it eons back & still would have counted as outdated & fugly…gross! (Worse still, when he expects you to put on the next time he sees you…spare me the horror...Jesus!)
4) 4) You don’t have to pick up a salad with low carb, low fat, and low cal dressing, when he is proudly gormandizing on French fries, burgers, & hinting at your burgeoning hips & suggesting you names of gyms, health clubs.....(i wonder we never point out their ugly blackheads on their even ugly face, their dark circles, their not-so-john Abraham kinda-body, disheveled hair …then why the hell should be a look-alike of kate Moss..I believe many would agree on this—‘a butterscotch ice-cream tastes way better than any guy’s saliva’ :P)
5) 5) You can give your deceptive tongue a rest by not giving the ‘honey!..I have a very bad headache’ excuse….or ‘I dint mean to hurt you baby…I am just cranky these days, blame my PMS not me’ & the biggest one ‘you are everything, that I had ever imagined in my dream guy, I am so lucky’ ( a few extra notes of mahatma Gandhi printed paper, a posh 4 wheeler, & regular trips to sexy night clubs wouldn’t have harmed much though)…& not to mention.. “Baby!..U r so good at it”eiwww!...
6) 6)You don’t have to tickle yourself to laugh at his fucked up jokes which sometime seems like he has forgotten the punch line….but all you can say is gosh!...u r so witty!...wink! wink!...
7) 7) You don’t have to act dumb to boost his "MALE" ego, (not my fault if I am born as a smart n sexy chick…n by the way baby, I know who the finance minister of India is, the answer of ‘x’ to the power zero, & even who wrote the book midnight’s children)
8) 8)You are freed from the oh so boring events of meeting his ass friends who just cant stop praising him like they are being paid by him on per hour basis to lie & rot in hell for committing one of those 7 deadly sins of lying incessantly…phew! but U are expected to keep nodding your head in disbelief & steal glances of pride with your lover boy ….I wonder, if he is this good, then why is he not with Katrina or kareena? why on earth is he stuck with me...
9) 9) You don’t have to burn your ears by listening to the endless sagas about his momma...his mommy is this…that…n what not…but why are we talking of ethics & culture at this context, I wonder if his mommy approves of everything he does under the sheets?? :P
1010) You can reach out for the dark chocolate pastry resting in your fridge at 3 am without raising any jerk's eyebrows.
There are 3.5 billion potential fishes out there…..all you have to do is turn, focus, bat eyelid, smile….game on! :D
(All the incidents/characters featured on this article are purely non fictional, any resemblance/similarity to any person living or dead(hopefully :D) is deliberate, without a pinch of regret, thank you n FO)
I aint a bitch, I just keep falling for dogs every now & then….
Spice less monotonous life be damned